I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't deserve a penis
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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