Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i will never coherently bang her
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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