I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
