Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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