Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
