I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
