Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
