I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
