just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
