First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
