I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize