Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
