Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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