i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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