Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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