I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
