Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
