Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
