you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
