dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
