why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
