dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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