Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
