My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
