i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
