Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
