I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize