What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize