Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
this hospital has no fireball
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
