Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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