did you get engaged???
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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