I love black thongs
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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