Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
