I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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