im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
