Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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