someone threw a dead crab at me
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize