I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize