We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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