That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
