This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
