just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
