omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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