he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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