yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
