i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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