Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
