I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
two words: eviction party
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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