Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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