My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
