Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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