Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We left an ass print on the piano.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
