i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
