Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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