How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
