Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
