you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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