i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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