oh god the rape fog is back!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
