I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
