Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
