haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
God, you're like boner-b-gone
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
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