i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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