True but thats because hes a fetus.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
