She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
