When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you will always have a special place in my vag
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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