My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
