i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
