Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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