Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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