What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
