6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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