I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
