I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
