im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you inspire me to be a worse person
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
