My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
should my penis look like a turkey
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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