oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
