Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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