sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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