I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize