someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
