im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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