Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize