shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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