his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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