Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
