Ambien. No doubt about it.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize