I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i came on her dog
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Couch. On fire.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
