no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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