Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
