I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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