Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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