I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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