Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize