The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
