so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
