so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Is it penis luge time yet?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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