My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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