3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
