i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
