A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
