I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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