My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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