Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
