I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
