you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
