then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
