i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
