she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
