My hair reeks of homosexuality.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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