i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
