Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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